margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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