I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
me + whiskey = a bad person
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
