Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
