This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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