i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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