We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
