i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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