I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
