Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
