just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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