That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
