we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
