how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
