i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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