he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm like, not good at living.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
