I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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