I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
