My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
