Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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