its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
