im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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