Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

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  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
  Replies (20) Good night (5948) Bad night (891)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We need to hang out more often

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  (419): Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol. (708): We need to hang out more often http://tfl.nu/04n9
  Replies (13) Good night (2747) Bad night (584)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.

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  (206): Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability. http://tfl.nu/ef1b
  Replies (15) Good night (1870) Bad night (936)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination

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  (304): Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination http://tfl.nu/azc2
  Replies (16) Good night (5908) Bad night (514)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

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  (814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055
  Replies (49) Good night (1452) Bad night (7590)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

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  (505): He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself. http://tfl.nu/msa0
  Replies (11) Good night (5307) Bad night (1033)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!

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  (251): Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again! http://tfl.nu/h5pv
  Replies (2) Good night (1300) Bad night (687)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES

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  (303): YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES (1-303): YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES http://tfl.nu/trz6
  Replies (9) Good night (2411) Bad night (461)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.

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  (307): The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/9x49
  Replies (12) Good night (992) Bad night (389)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  But he was really hot

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Glad you don't have HIV

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  (425): I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again (1-425): But he was really hot (1-425): Glad you don't have HIV http://tfl.nu/se36
  Replies (4) Good night (384) Bad night (866)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?

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  (808): Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space? http://tfl.nu/h1sf
  Replies (12) Good night (1261) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.

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  (520): I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013. http://tfl.nu/sp2x
  Replies (2) Good night (736) Bad night (261)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?

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  (780): In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared." (1-780): Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout? http://tfl.nu/ziqx
  Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.

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  (904): I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE. http://tfl.nu/5ef6
  Replies (1) Good night (185) Bad night (467)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing

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  (651): Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing http://tfl.nu/82bp
  Replies (0) Good night (431) Bad night (218)

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