apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
