Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.