At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?