Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals