CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
