Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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  (406): The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots. http://tfl.nu/c5g4
  Replies (10) Good night (2246) Bad night (871)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

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  (416): Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY. http://tfl.nu/81vu
  Replies (22) Good night (1185) Bad night (3472)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

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  (330): Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement. http://tfl.nu/p08o
  Replies (2) Good night (2292) Bad night (1393)
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  (805): View more from California

  I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.

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  (805): I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something. http://tfl.nu/b077
  Replies (15) Good night (4827) Bad night (1263)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video

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  (573): It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video http://tfl.nu/x1wo
  Replies (9) Good night (1481) Bad night (810)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.

  (407): View more from Florida

  yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.

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  (813): his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call. (407): yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/agts
  Replies (10) Good night (3172) Bad night (976)
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  (619): View more from California

  My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.

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  (619): My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine. http://tfl.nu/2kaz
  Replies (5) Good night (1470) Bad night (586)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Boobs speak an international language.

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  (505): Boobs speak an international language. http://tfl.nu/m73t
  Replies (8) Good night (1509) Bad night (597)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.

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  (+44): Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth. http://tfl.nu/fyz7
  Replies (11) Good night (1241) Bad night (1208)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.

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  (815): I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes. http://tfl.nu/i72f
  Replies (7) Good night (1987) Bad night (606)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub

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  (334): What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub http://tfl.nu/it3y
  Replies (4) Good night (1240) Bad night (619)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.

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  (360): I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line. http://tfl.nu/9tdh
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (935)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)

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  (828): thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss) http://tfl.nu/ut31
  Replies (0) Good night (550) Bad night (300)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump

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  (585): Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump http://tfl.nu/n5lk
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (365)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted

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  (734): he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted http://tfl.nu/3ywr
  Replies (2) Good night (170) Bad night (493)

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