I would do horrible things to your vagina.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
someone owes me an orgasm
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song