I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"