just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why