Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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