I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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