are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
