I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
