I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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