Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Floor bacon is actually really good
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
