And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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