I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
