Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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