So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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