filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
