Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
