Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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