Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
