Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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