The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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