shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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