While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
