does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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