Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
