sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
