We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and you said cock pushups were impossible
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
