I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize