Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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