): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
