K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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