I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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