We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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