Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
