i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
