Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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