you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
