A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
