I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize