They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
