I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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