is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
