There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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