What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
