where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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