You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
