So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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