I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
