3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
