Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
