I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
