Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
