when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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