I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
