i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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