just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I want her autograph on my taint
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wear drunk well.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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