He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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