Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
