I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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