broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize