before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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