Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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