I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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