I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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