I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
