there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She even gives head with a lisp.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
