How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's blow job season.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
