brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
